Reviews (14)

My husband's secret revealed..I needed answers..I found them here!!
Easily, I could say that Patrick Carne's books on sexual addiction has saved my marriage and my husband's life and maybe my own as well. My first read was "Out of the Shadows" and it softened my angry heart after hearing my husbands confession of being with around 100 women over the past 5 years of our 17 year marriage and all sexual encounters were UNPROTECTED sex. I found out the hard way. How could all these powerful, crippling emotions that I was feeling be tamed?? How could I ever forgive this scrum of the earth!! READ this book and you can do the impossible!!
As an Addiction Therapist I recommend this book to all of my clients seeking recovery from addiction to sex
Carnes can be readily credited for leading the way in developing a sound understanding of sex addiction and importantly, the treatment of this. By presenting sexually destructive behaviour within the paradigm of "addiction", Carnes has succesfully created a "problem to solution" model which offers a way out of sexually addictive behaviour. In "Don't Call it Love" Carnes offers a plan for living and a route out of this powerfully compelling condition. He manages to present a readable and coherent guide, outlining the multiple dimensions of both sex addiction and recovery from this. In his usual realisitic and compassionate style, this book makes it clear that the process of abstinence and recovery is concerned with helping "Good people get well" rather than helping "Bad people be good". Fundamentally, this book offers a clear message of hope to any person affected by sex addiction that recovery is indeed possible and importantly - enjoyable !!

A Life-Changing Book for Many People
"Don't Call It Love," by Patrick Carnes, is an important book in the growing body of literature on recovery from sexual addiction. Although it was published in 1991, it is still widely read and frequently quoted by recovering sex addicts.
Read more

Subjects:  1. Mental Illness    2. Recovery    3. Rehabilitation    4. Self-Help    5. Sex addiction    6. Sex addicts    7. Sexual behavior    8. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Sexual    9. Modern fiction    10. Self-Help / Addiction   

Editorial Review

Anne M. Fletcher resolved her own drinking problem without Alcoholics Anonymous and was fascinated by other people who had found alternative methods to stop drinking. In the spirit of her first book, Read more

Reviews (35)

Sober for Good: New Solutions for Drinking Problems -- Advice from Those Who Have Succeeded
This is an excellent book with a lot of helpful information.The experiences it shares are excellent.It is also extremely well written!

The Best Book on Getting and Staying Sober
The book tells the methods and experiences of some 200+ `masters', i.e. people with at least 5 years of sobriety. Simply, the best recovery book I have read. Somewhere in here you will find your path.
A little honesty, please
1. Procent is parts per 100 (hundred). Promille is parts per 1000 (thousand). So there may be not only 400%, but up to 2500% of that 0.4 promille (full saturation).
Read more

Subjects:  1. Recovery    2. Self-Help    3. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    4. Self-Help / Alcoholism   

Reviews (5)

Nothing new or not obvious here
It's not that the information insn't correct, but it certainly isn't insightful.This seems like a mental exercise for a professor who just wants to get his name in print.Right away you're in trouble becuase he has you go through an exercise and then rate your optimism to see if this book could help you.if you are low on optimism, you need this book, if you are balanced, you need this book and if you are very optimistic, you still need this book.
CD on Learned Optimism is good supplement to book
If you are interested in how optimism can be learned, Seligman's book/CD is a great resource.

Learned Optimism
I received this book about a year ago and I think it is the best self help book on the market.It has been fantastic and has helped me so much by giving me scientifically proven techniques to change the way I look at events or situations.
Read more

Subjects:  1. Psychology    2. General    3. Personality    4. Self-Help / General    5. Recovery    6. Optimism   

Reviews (5)

Good book, terrible problem.
This is a very useful book if you have a problem, or even think you might, with regard to compulsively searching for and/or using internet porn, chat rooms, etc.
amazingly valuable resource
My marriage ended because of my addiction to cybersex.
Alittle too Broad
This book is a good starting resource for anyone who's concerned with their time on the Internet, or sex addiction in general.There's only a couple of problems I've had with the book.Mostly, it's catagorizing of addiction seems exceptionally broad.I think any normal person could argue they had an addiction problem using the criteria listed within.Read more

Subjects:  1. Internet - World Wide Web    2. Pornography    3. Recovery    4. Self-Help    5. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    6. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Sexual    7. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Reviews (2)

Facing Reality
Dr. Carnes is a noted authority and perhaps the premier researcher in the area of sexual addiction.His work goes back easily some twenty years.I have studied with Dr. Carnes and I can say with some authority that this may be his finest work.It is the fruit of much thought and labor.It is reality.Carl Rogers said:"Until we can accept ourselves as we really are we can't change."This book, really a work book, helps the addicted person do just that.But it doesn't stop there.The addict is able to see through the work he does that he is able, through healthy activities, to regain control of his life.This is the second edition.Dr. Carnes demonstrates not only his high standards of authorship, but his humility and ability to accept constructive criticism both from within himself and I think perhaps others, in the changes he has put into this second edition.They are well worth the effort.Dr. Carnes comes at the sexual addiction issue with clarity, research, and above all empathy.His other work "The Recovery Zone,"will I think prove to be as well received as this work.
super workbook in tandem with group therapy
Working through this with group therapy has been wonderful and life changing. Cannot recommend it highly enough. Get Carnes' other books as well. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Human Sexuality    2. Mental Illness    3. Recovery    4. Self-Help    5. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    6. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Sexual   

Reviews (79)

An awesome resource
Recently diagnosed with ADD I've been battling at work for accommodations.My doctor/therapist provided me a document for accommodations just this week.It took the harrassment from a supervisor away.I went to HR and let her know that the Department Manager has been very good about this, letting me know what he expects.I mentioned that I had read in the book about the need for organizers and I would have purchased a Palm today, but the store was out.She got up, pulled out a box and there was a Palm.She indicated that this could be used as an accommodation.I asked if I found the reference if that would be enough and it was agreed.I went back to my desk, and turned to the right page, took it back to her, and she's putting in a request to have it installed on my computer at the office and it's now an accommodation.I've followed the advice in the book about using "to do" lists, and it has really helped to keep me focused just on what I need to do.I highly recommend the book, as well as Sari Solden's "Women with ADD"

Needs updating
While reading some of the previous reviews, I saw one that mentioned "contemporary science" - written in 1999. The first Amazon.com customer review for this book is from 1997. If I'd read it then, I would have rated it higher. But a book that deals with anything medical needs to be updated long before it's a decade old, which this one now is. The chapter on medication is completely outdated; it shouldn't be referred to by anyone who wants to know what options are available now. And while all the scientific/medical questions about ADD/ADHD haven't been answered, more is known now than when this book was written.
life changing
I found myself in every page.Gives new hope and opens the oors of understanding.A must readfor adults & teens with ADD and their families. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Psychology    2. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    3. Recovery    4. General    5. Learning Disabilities    6. Coping with personal problems    7. Psychology & Psychiatry / General    8. Self-Help & Practical Interests    9. Parenting - Hyperactivity    10. Attention-deficit disorder in adults    11. Self-Help    12. Attention deficit disorders    13. Popular works   

Reviews (10)

Not Useful, Barely Comprehensible Format
A year or so ago I bought a bunch of self-help books blindly online, with the hope they would represent their titles and be of some use to me personally.
Thank you for this much-needed resource!
Adult survivors of abuse have only the twisted guidance of screwed-up parents to guide them through life. Only the worst cases of abuse make the news. Some people don't even realize they were abused until they look back on their childhoods with an adult's wisdom and insight - a child often thinks the dysfunctional situation is normal and doesn't realize that this doesn't happen in all families - nor should it. Knowing what's normal is impossible for us - because we never knew what normal was! Essential for the adult survivor

Good, but not perfect.
If you've had a troubled childhood, this book will amaze you at its accuracy. It knows your problems, perceived "shortcomings", and more. It also gives you the insight into why it happens or why you continue to do it. However, it does NOT give you enough in the way of constructive methods of ridding yourself of these behaviors. While it maintains an upbeat and cheery tone for its entire length, there just isn't enough substance there for my liking.
Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult children of alcoholics    2. Adult children of drug addicts    3. Adult children of dysfunctiona    4. Adult children of dysfunctional families    5. Alcoholism    6. Codependency    7. Mental Health And Hygiene    8. Recovery    9. Rehabilitation    10. Self-Help    11. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    12. Adolescent children    13. Self-Help / Codependency   

Reviews (3)

Empirically grounded and very useful
I believe this book represents the best kind of clinical psychology.It is well grounded in research and empirical knowledge, but is also written in such a way as to be useful for people who are not.It focuses not just on the dos and don'ts, but on the whys as well. I think it will be useful for therapists to use with their clients, as well as for people who don't have (or don't want) a therapist.
Sound research and good practice
I am a professor of clinical psychology with over 150 publications primarily on some aspects of sexual offending and 15 years experience working with sexual offenders.I have also edited several books and authored two others on the explanation, assessment, and treatment of sexual offenders.In my view this is an outstanding publication which manages to combine excellent scholarship with sound practical advice for individuals with sexual disorders. It is written in a clear and straight forward manner and I think will engage offenders in the process of learning to manage their destructive actions and turning their lives around.It shouldprove useful as an adjunct resource for therapists and also provide individuals reluctant to seek therapy with some valuable strategies for controlling their sexually deviant behavior. This is an excellent addition to the treatment literature.
A Practical Guide for People with a Sexual Addiction
This book offers guidance for individuals who struggle with an addiction to sex.It is written in a practical, often entertaining, and always enlightening way.It can be used on its own or in conjunction with psychotherapy.I wish I had had this book in the past as an adjunct to conducting psychotherapy with my patients who have had such problems.I will be sure to use it with patients in the future. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Recovery    2. Self-Help    3. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    4. Coping with personal problems    5. Sex & sexuality   

Reviews (3)

An excellent and thorough treatment of sexual addiction
This is a very comprehensive book on the mechanisms of sexual addiction.It is direct and thorough, with lots of detail on the dynamics of this disorder and the does a good job of describing the disorder at the individual and systems levels.
Far more than meets the eye
For me it would have been more difficult to appreciate this book had I not read "Out of the Shadows." I had purchased these books over ten years ago but only read them within the past few months. One of the great values of Carnes approach is his no wholes barred, stratight on approach to addiction and the role that sexual addiction plays. There is nothing wishy-washy in his approach to the dilemma, nor is there anything apologetic about his criticisms (i.e. limitations) of AA and common theraputic practices. To me he is entirely convincing which speaks for his clear understanding of addiction that adds for the breakdown of social or societal illusions and delusions. I just wish he took more seriously what he refers to as stage one addictions to which he does concede some degree of (to me mostly unjustifiable) normalcy and acceptance based on social norms. Aside from that, it is simply an outstanding book.

One of the best books in this field!
The title of this book reveals the premise that Patrick Carnes presents. He tells us that the behaviors of sexual addicts are not actions of love, but of abnormal, compulsive rituals performed in a desparate attempt toself-treat the feelings of despair and anger that has become the fabric ofthe addict's life. This book is not an introductory volume, it is quitethorough and detailed. The author outlines six phases of sex addiction aswell as explaining three levels of behavior. He points out that thedifferent levels of behavior are not necessarily progressive, but thephases of addiction ARE.While this book is designed specifically forthose who are care-givers for the sexually addicted, it also gives comfortand insight to the co-addict or codependent involved with the addict. Thethoroughness and detail that he writes with may actually be beyond the easycomprehension of many addicts themselves, due to their cloudy comprehensionand frequent separations from reality, but I would recommend this book as achallenge and as an invaluable tool for breaking the chains of sexualaddiction. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Behavior Therapy    2. Recovery    3. Rehabilitation    4. Self-Help    5. Sex addicts    6. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    7. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Sexual    8. Mental health services    9. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    10. Popular psychology    11. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Subjects:  1. Mental Illness    2. Psychology    3. Psychopathology - Addiction    4. Psychotherapy - Counseling    5. Recovery    6. Self-Help    7. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    8. Coping with drug & alcohol abuse    9. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Reviews (2)

I Really USE This Book
I have an old copy of this book that I have read several times.In addition to the Big Book, it is almost a "must read" for anyone conducting or starting AA, Al-Anon, or Serenity Groups meetings.I help conduct Serenity Groups meetings, and I have found this book to be invaluable (visit SerenityGroups.org).In addition, I recommend the book "Prayer Steps to Serenity."Based on the 12 Steps, "Prayer Steps to Serenity" does discuss some different traditions because it seeks to encourage inclusive support groups and existing support groups to be more inclusive. ISBN 0595313043

A Must for Your Recovery Toolbox
This is a real must for anyone in any of the of the 12 step programs who is wishing to understand the traditions and steps more completly.The vinyettes are heartfelt and identifyable. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Recovery    2. Self-Help    3. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    4. Twelve-Step Programs    5. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Reviews (3)

Wonderful!
This book will help anyone - 12 stepper or not. It brings areas of your life to light, allowing you to see your part in it and how you use it. A great source for anyone wanting to grow and change into a better person, the person God intended you to be.

A true gem
Before I read the book I was looking for practical advice on how to do the whole process of removing my character defects-I found all the answers in this little book. It is a practical, hands-on guide to spiritual and emotional growth.I am so grateful to have been recommended to read it by so many other OA members.

Drop the rock:Removing Character Defects, Steps Six and Seven
This book de mystifies the process of removing character defects.IF you are struggling with what to do with the short directions on step six, this is the book. It gives a detailed description of the life long process of eliminating the defects that we have made into our personalities.As in all things in recovery it guides us through the tentative first steps.I have been searching for a book like this for a very long time.This book has changed the course of my recovery for the better. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Alcoholics    2. Patients    3. Personality disorders    4. Recovery    5. Rehabilitation    6. Religious life    7. Self-Help    8. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    9. Twelve-Step Programs    10. Self-Help / Twelve-Step Programs   

Reviews (4)

An excellent approach to a very difficult problem
After over 15 years of watching my mother's drinking problem worsen, my family came to the conclusion that there was nothing we could do to help her. We thought, "How can you help someone who doesn't want help or doesn't think there is a problem?" This book very clearly shows you that with the right approach, there is something that you can do to help your loved one get the necessary treatment required to overcome his/her addiction. Bruce Cotter uses a very clear, personal approach that everyone can understand. After reading this book, I felt empowered to help my mother into the treatment program that she desparately needs.

Alive Magazine
"The primary beneficiaries of this work would be those who are Powerful, helpful information.
I was so caught up in the pain and confusion of the addiction of my friend, I could not see straight.After reading the book I can see more clearly what I can do to help, and what I can't do. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Recovery    2. Self-Help    3. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    4. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Drug Dependence   

Reviews (13)

Love Is a Choice Workbook
This workbook can help you work through issues and bring you closer to the person you want to be.

Love Is A Choice
No matter where you are in your walk in life, no matter what your relationships with others is like, you will derive value in reading this book.A few pages may be challenging, but don't stop reading.The book is a good foundation for starting, repairing or building relationships at home, at work or wherever you interact with people.It is introspective, uplifing and perfect for a quiet weekend alone.

Don't be fooled by the children
who threw a tantrum because this book included Christian principles and therefore gave it only one star.It's very easy to read and makes VERY CLEAR points. You can not read this book and fail to understand codependency (which most of us suffer to some small degree) and the solutions.If you don't agree with a few small points, don't whine and just skip them.Excellent, excellent book. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Codependency    2. Codependents    3. Neurology - General    4. Recovery    5. Rehabilitation    6. Self-Help    7. Family & Health    8. Psychology    9. Religion / Christian Life   

Reviews (5)

Don't wait any longer...
Tomorrow is 5 months since I stopped drinking with the help of this book.As the book says, I wish I could fast forward your life to just 2-3 days after you finish reading the book and stop drinking.You honestly will have an incredibly wonderful life without alchohol controlling it.I have so much energy and am so happy.People around me continue to comment on how positive the changes are.I've lost weight, lost the bondage of alchohol and gained joy and happiness.And, I've faced my first crises - being laid off from my job - without alchohol and not only did I not miss it, but it is easier without the monster!Just read this book.You have nothing to loose and everything to gain!

One book CAN change your life!
I am astounded that one book could change the way I view my life!I read this book cover to cover and then reread several of the chapters that I needed clarification on.Alcohol is all around me and I don't crave it at all anymore.I have tried to quit or cut back on drinking several times over the past few years.It is always a miserable experience which ends with a drink.After reading Carr's book, I not only feel great; I have hope!I am amazed that I now have my life back!
The only way, for me
This book is unlike any other - it comes at you from a totally different direction, and one that makes a lot of sense.You have to read it, and then you will understand why it is easy, once it is explained to you. You can actually use his method of thinking in other areas of your life, as well.
Read more

Subjects:  1. Recovery    2. Self-Help    3. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    4. SELF IMPROVEMENT - SELF IMPROV TRD HC    5. Self-Help / Alcoholism   

Reviews (8)

Exploring Addiction and Recovery From Celebrity Stories
Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (2/06)
A compendium of autobiographical accounts of self-help and recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction
The collaborative work of Gary Stromberg & Jane Merrill, The Harder They Fall: Celebrities Tell Their Real-Life Stories Of Addiction And Recovery is a compendium of autobiographical accounts of self-help and recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction told by a range of readily recognized men and women who range from singer and songwriter Paul Williams, to comedian Richard Pryor, to actor Malcom McDowell, to musician Alice Cooper, to U.S. Congressman Jim Ramstad, and sixteen others. All of these stories are revealed with candor, insight, humor, humility, and hope. The Harder They Fall is a unique anthology and should be available to everyone (especially those struggling with their own addictions) in the community through their local public library.
Highly recommended.Beautiful and Courageous stories.
You don't have to be interested in reading celebrity stories to enjoy this book. I highly recommend it. I found the book really hard to put down. Because there are so many great short stories, I was able to get a broad view of the disease's nature.Also, I am very impressed with the honesty and vulnerability of the people who shared their stories.They are very human, beautiful and courageous. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Biography And Autobiography    2. Celebrities    3. Drug use    4. Personal Memoirs    5. Recovery    6. Self-Help    7. Substance Abuse    8. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    9. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Reviews (1)

FINALLY!AReal,Hopeful Approach to end the Hell of Crystal Addiction.
If you have ever thought of trying crystal-meth, or think you have a problem with the drug- this book is essential reading.It speaks to you in a language that today's "users" will understand and have difficulty denying the truths put forth about using meth, sex, sexuality, work and day to day life.After a two year long serious and sometimes seemingly hopeless escape from the world of Meth and "Party life" ...this one book hit every chord of day to day life and real strategies for the tough road of recovery.When every MD, and Psychologist told me that there is no cure for Meth addiction, this book showed me that there is a way and I've been living it everyday now for almost a year. I would recommend this book to anyone who has any questions about using Meth.Required reading for all parents of all teens, and all teen homosexuals! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Drug abuse    2. Healing    3. Methamphetamine abuse    4. Patients    5. Prevention    6. Recovery    7. Self-Help    8. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Drug Dependence    9. Treatment    10. Coping with drug & alcohol abuse    11. Drug addiction & substance abuse    12. Health & Fitness / Healing   

Reviews (1)

Keep coming back -- to "Came To Believe"
I dip into this AA World Services publication daily. I find it best to read one story at a sitting and reflect on the comments and experience of the recovering person -- most of the short reflections are peoples'spiritual experiences in recovery and they range from the "bolt oflightening" to the slow emergence of everyday spirituality. Keep itwith your morning or evening meditation book(s) and dip into it. You'll"keep coming back." ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Recovery    2. Self-Help    3. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    4. Twelve-Step Programs    5. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Reviews (3)

"Excellent "
For years I have struggled with poor social and communication skills which caused me great frustration.This book was written for people like myself who have grown up in the shadows of alcoholism and consequently did not develop some key life skills as a result of the alcoholic environment.This book is a must read.it is thoroughly well written, with examples and instructions on how to develop the life skills needed. i especially liked the chapter that focused on conversation clues, which gives scenarios that can be used in everyday life. Wonderful!!

Not enough detail for my taste
I'm a veteran of the "adult child" genre, and as I was reading this book, I found myself thinking that other books in my library covered this ground much more effectively for my taste.I found the tone of this volume somewhat simplistic and the sample person-to-person interactions a bit forced (which I suppose is the point), but that made it hard for me to relate to them or imagine myself carrying out the sample exercises. An Invaluable Resource
"Lifeskills" is one of those books everyone should own.It deals with the personality traits inherent in those from dysfunctional families (primarily, children of alcoholics) and presents"normal" functioning skills which children of alcoholics often donot learn.Even if one is not a product of an alcoholic environment, thisbook gives an excellent view of healthy, "normal" responses tolife's daily situations. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Adult children of drug addicts    3. Codependency    4. Handbooks, manuals, etc    5. Life skills    6. Life skills guides    7. Recovery    8. Self-Help    9. Services For The Family    10. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    11. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    12. Popular psychology    13. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (58)

I quit, I'm happier
I hear all the AA stuff.My wife is into even though I think she is looking for the "folk wisdom".But hey, wisdom is wisdom.So AA is on to something.I tend to see Jacks view of AA more strongly about AA in the larger social context.And I hated the AA program.
Trash the competion
Good book. Helpful ideas on substance abuse & how to end it,however too much energy put into trashing AA & other treatment options that could help people

Helpful
I found this to be the type of book that I could skim, mark up some, and then go back to the parts that were helpful to me. I decided to write this review because it worked for me. Wow, did it ever work! Easily! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Alcoholics    2. Alcoholism    3. Drug addicts    4. General    5. Rational emotive behavior ther    6. Rational emotive behavior therapy    7. Recovery    8. Rehabilitation    9. Self-Help    10. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    11. Drug addiction & substance abuse    12. Literary Criticism & Collections / General