Reviews (39)

The Sun Shone on Me
Get the "Expanded Edition" if possible. Alcoholic issues and mental health issues have been around for quite some time. Woititz Marries the two in a wonderful owner's manual for your (or someone close to yours soul) The person close to me was severely compromised by her (sober) parents ACoA issues and the other siblings' willingness to buy into the insanity. If you can find a book called "Grandchildren of Alcoholics" by Ann W. Smith, it is an excellent resourse for people who dont see alcoholism in their own families, but perhaps do see it in their grandparents. Would love to hear from others on the same journey.

Educational/Easy to Read
This book is excellant for ACOA's who wish to gain a better understanding of how their childhood has lasting effects on their life as an adult.It was my first book on the subject, and a great introduction.

Not a good first book on the subject
I've read a number of books on this subject. I wouldn't say this book was unhelpful but is too absolute in its information to be anything but alarming to anyone tentatively looking for answers. It's also not very well written. I would suggest reading either "Recovery, A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics" by Gravitz & Bowden (an excellent first book) along with "A Primer on Adult Children of Alcoholics" by Cermak for an added layer; and then, absolutely essential as a more in-depth book: "Children of Alcoholism - A Survivor's Manual" by Seixas & Youcha. Leave the Woititz book for more information. By all means, read it. It does have excellent information; just remember the adage "Take what you need and leave the rest". Something she unfortunately forgot to include. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult children of alcoholics    2. Alcoholics    3. Alcoholism    4. Codependency    5. Family relationships    6. General    7. Recovery    8. Self-Help    9. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    10. United States    11. Adolescent children    12. Coping with drug & alcohol abuse    13. Marriage, family & other relationships    14. Self-Help / Codependency   

Reviews (30)

Very Very TRUE!
My husband and I both endured shame and guilt based rearing in our youth.Faced with the birth of our second child due this fall, we felt the need to close some old issues that continue to reoccour in our own parenting.We picked up this book and read it in one night.We cried because this book spoke to the very core of our issues and gave us great ideas into healing our past.I would HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who had a difficult childhood.

Finally some tools to work with
I am so grateful for this book as it has already given me so many insights. Somehow I thought that I was bad or defective, that there was something inherently wrong with me. Having read this book I realise I am the person years and my parents have made me into. A child whose family was dysfunctional and whose parents leaned heavily on alcohol as years went by, how could I have grown into a healthy young woman? Instead, I am an intelligent perfectionist, an over-responsible workaholic who tolerates being treated badly and neglects her own needs. However, I have been able to see that I can change - that I do have the right to learn to live a balanced and happy life. I also bought the work book that goes with this text book, and am thoroughly enjoying filling it in. My mind is working overtime making new connections and trying to make sense of my life, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

Not a good place to start
This is not a book for "newbies." If your family is f*cked up, you'll do better with information that is more basic to supporting your getting OUT, rather than how to survive being in it... ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Adult children of dysfunctiona    3. Adult children of dysfunctional families    4. Codependency    5. Inner Child    6. Recovery    7. Rehabilitation    8. Self    9. Self-Help    10. Treatment    11. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    12. Popular psychology    13. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Reviews (30)

Don't debate whether you need it or not...just read it
If you're investigating this book, chances are you can benefit greatly from the information.What harm can come from you feeling less shame in your life?None.
HEALING that keeps giving...
I bought my edition of Bradshaw's "Healing the Shame that Binds You" in 1988, one year after my experience with The Caron Foundation's ACOA treatment program.
An Excellent Starting Point for Recovery
From my own family experiences, I became numb to the world.This made the process of finding a solution difficult because I couldn't even find a starting point for recovery.This book was a fantastic source of enlightenment because it names, very specifically, the varying facets of shame and causes of depression.It helped me really put a finger on what I was wrestling with, and give me a "to-do" list for therapy.I don't think this book on its own will help you actually recover, but it definitely will give you a specific plan of action and greater understanding of how unhealthy behaviors perpetuate through generations.I believe talk therapy is the way to successful recovery because they can recognize unhealthy behaviors that you don't notice.Thankfully, professional therapists truly are a "safe place" to reveal secrets that tied you down.I'd recommend this book to people who felt numb like I did (and do), and need a way to regain some clarity.When you have the courage to face your darkest fears, you will realize it was worth a hundred times the pain in order to feel genuinely happy again. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Personal Growth - General    2. Psychology    3. Psychotherapy    4. Shame    5. Mind, body, spirit: mysticism & self-awareness    6. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (1)

Great insight and solutions for both addicted & family.
Claudia Black has an inside track of what it feels like to be a familymember in a family where addictive behavior is going on.She is able towrite in understandable fashion the complex dynamics that go on inaddictions and recovery.She never fails to understand the heart and souland the sheer pain involved in addiction; she also provides insight andsolutions for healing.Great work!All her work is very insightful. Thisis an author who cares about those who read her books. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Mental Health    3. Personal Growth - Happiness    4. Self-Help    5. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    6. Coping with personal problems    7. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    8. Popular psychology    9. Religious life & practice    10. Self-Help / Substance Abuse   

Reviews (14)

awakening
This book was recommended by my therapist and after reading it I gave it to a friend who is also an adult child of an alcoholic.I haven't got the book back so I'm buying another copy for myself.I NEED to read it again and again. It opened my eyes and put a lot of the pieces of the puzzle together for me. Although it's hard to face some of the realities this book points out, I believe it to be one of the vital steps I am taking in trying to change my life for the better. It's never too late.

accurate and helpful
claudia black is a respected author in the field of addictions.she writes for adults and children for both alcoholics and their families.i have read many books in this area and she is one of my favorite authors.the book is short, accutate,compassionately written, and forever timely. worth reading!

Excellent Insight into Who I am and Why
I read this book AFTER reading ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS by Janet Woititz.Both provided me with insight into a problem I only recently realized I have.However, Black's book is both easier to read and has more detailed analysis.She divides ACoAs into four categories:The Responsible One, The Adjuster, The Placater, and "Acting Out".I fit the profile of Responsible in every way.I now understand myself better, and am beginning therapy for the first time in my life at the age of 55.Thank you, Dr. Black, for opening my eyes! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Adult Children of Alcoholics    3. Alcoholics    4. Children of alcoholic parents    5. Family relationships    6. Self-Help    7. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    8. Popular psychology    9. Psychology & Psychiatry / General   

Reviews (10)

Perfect Daughters
This book was so helpful with it's insight into the experience of having an alcoholic parent.It is written well, easy to follow and answers questions you didn't even know you had.I highly recommend this book to anyone, but especially to people like myself who are at the beginning of their quest for the truth and don't want to read a book that feels too clinical and complicated.

A cheesy way to earn a living
Having recently come to understand the role of my alcoholic parents' habits in my development as an adult, I have been seeking every possible source for information and strategies for dealing with my own behavior problems.I have found some wonderful sources -- Janet Woititz' books, for example.I had high hopes for this book, Perfect Daughters since I am such a freak but what I got was a book written in large print, at a level merely approaching 6th grade, that is 40% this man's clients' letters.His analysis is facile and offers nothing new.Yes, we all feel this way; yes we all share certain qualities, but anyone who's done only minimal research will discover this very soon.This book offers nothing new.I feel ripped off by the book's "promises", insulted by the writers' tone and plethora of marginally relevant quotations clearly pasted from quotes.com.Don't buy this book; check it out of the library and get what good you can from it. There is some there, but not $10 worth.

The Perfect Daughter
I am a child of an alcoholic Mother.I try very hard to avoid books that talk about adult children of Alcoholics becuase they usually make things sound very over technical and impersonal.I am not a very emotional person and I know the decisions I make in my life are because of my families alcoholic issues.However, this was a book that was not very hard to read and I would highly recoomend it.After reading the very first story and bawling my eyes out about that little family princess who never understood and was always trying to make it okay,I knew the book was for me to read.That's ME!!! That's ME!!! I kept saying over and over. Ironically I highlighted every sentence and passage that had to do with my childhood and feelings in the book and I believe I ended up with 90% of it highlighted.I couldn't help to think that someone had a hidden journal on my heart and feelings growing up.If only that person had stepped in when I was young what a difference it would have made.I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK!!! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adjustment (Psychology)    2. Adult Children of Alcoholics    3. Codependency    4. Daughters    5. Self-Help    6. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    7. United States    8. Coping with drug & alcohol abuse    9. Drug addiction & substance abuse    10. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (1)

Valuable Analysis
This was one of the most informative and helpful books I've read on the subject.It helped define the specific issues all ACOA's face and yet may not have realized were related to the experience.
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Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Interpersonal relations    3. Psychology    4. Self-Help    5. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    6. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (3)

"Excellent "
For years I have struggled with poor social and communication skills which caused me great frustration.This book was written for people like myself who have grown up in the shadows of alcoholism and consequently did not develop some key life skills as a result of the alcoholic environment.This book is a must read.it is thoroughly well written, with examples and instructions on how to develop the life skills needed. i especially liked the chapter that focused on conversation clues, which gives scenarios that can be used in everyday life. Wonderful!!

Not enough detail for my taste
I'm a veteran of the "adult child" genre, and as I was reading this book, I found myself thinking that other books in my library covered this ground much more effectively for my taste.I found the tone of this volume somewhat simplistic and the sample person-to-person interactions a bit forced (which I suppose is the point), but that made it hard for me to relate to them or imagine myself carrying out the sample exercises. An Invaluable Resource
"Lifeskills" is one of those books everyone should own.It deals with the personality traits inherent in those from dysfunctional families (primarily, children of alcoholics) and presents"normal" functioning skills which children of alcoholics often donot learn.Even if one is not a product of an alcoholic environment, thisbook gives an excellent view of healthy, "normal" responses tolife's daily situations. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Adult children of drug addicts    3. Codependency    4. Handbooks, manuals, etc    5. Life skills    6. Life skills guides    7. Recovery    8. Self-Help    9. Services For The Family    10. Substance Abuse & Addictions - General    11. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    12. Popular psychology    13. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (10)

Spells out the unique dangers of teen drinking
Having navigated through the rocks and landmines of parenting three boys through adolescence, I know that drinking, at least occasionally, can be a part of the journey. We never encouraged it, never "enabled" it, never denied it.
All the elements of a fantastic read are here!
As someone who has experienced the wrath of addiction up close and personally in family members - as have most of us - and been disappointed in the lack of personal stories focused on recovery, communication and scope of the issue, I was at first skeptical of this book when I read about it in a People magazine feature recently; I doubted its substantiality. But I was won over within just a few pages. This educational and readable work is the real deal. Attributes I noticed as I screamed through this page-turner:
Compelling read
This book should be a part of every family's library, a gift from concerned grandparents, a required read for college freshmen, on every teacher's desk, a fun airplane read, a part of every treatment center and a mainstay in the armamentarium of those who counsel youth.
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Subjects:  1. Adolescent Psychology    2. Adult Children of Alcoholics    3. Alcohol Abuse    4. Alcohol use    5. Alcoholics    6. Biography    7. Biography / Autobiography    8. Case studies    9. Developmental - Adolescent    10. Family relationships    11. Life Stages - Adolescence - Drugs/Drinking    12. Self-Help    13. Sociology    14. Specific Groups - General    15. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    16. Teenage boys    17. United States    18. Coping with drug & alcohol abuse    19. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (9)

This was a life saver
This book helped me see who I am.The way I think, is clearly in this book.I can't remember part of my childhood and I thought I was abnormal. Reading this book, I have come to find outthat I am quite normal for a child of an alcoholic.If you are a adult child of an alcoholic, I urge you to read this book and see if it helps you too.

A very good start
The ideal book if you are beginning your journey of recovery due to alcoholics. It give many answers to initial questions. It does not give any lasting answers to the great mysteries of life but that is not its purpose anyway.So...a good start

shocked
About ten years ago I was in a book-store in Cambridge, Ma. and happened to browse through that book. Just reading a few questions and answers wasone of the greatest shocks in my life. Reading the truth when you alwaysthought that you are so strange, noone else can image, is not easy. I washardly able to go to the cashier and pay for the book. This was the firstday of a new life for me.Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult children of alcoholics    2. Alcoholics    3. Alcoholism    4. Family relationships    5. General    6. Miscellanea    7. Recovery    8. Self-Help    9. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    10. Treatment    11. United States    12. Coping with drug & alcohol abuse    13. Psychology & Psychiatry / General   

Reviews (16)

Residual Symptoms
Suzanne Somers gives us amazing insight into the healing process of a relation to an individual with alcoholism.
Starts slow, but becomes very interesting.
I was advised to read this book since my father was an alcoholic.I was not very interested in it in the begging, but as I kept readingit became very interesting.I would suggest anyone to pick this up and read it.

When your little world is out of whack!
With an intention to skim this book, I became engrossed in what Suzanne Somers had to say about her life before fame and living with a severely alcoholic parent.
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Subjects:  1. 1946-    2. Adult children of alcoholics    3. Alcoholics    4. Biography    5. Biography / Autobiography    6. Biography/Autobiography    7. California    8. Entertainers    9. Family    10. Family relationships    11. General    12. Mahoney family    13. Somers, Suzanne,    14. Television (Performing Arts)    15. United States    16. Somers, Suzanne   

Reviews (12)

Must reading, especially for addicts
This book certainly protrays the difficulties and impact on children haunted by covert incest.At 55 yrs. old, my life could have been soooo... much better if I had been diagnosed previously.Thanks very much to my therapist (3rd one I worked with) for identifying this issue for me.Amazon's search engine recommended this book immediately and I devoured its message.The 5th chapter will be presented at our area's Spring Retreat of S.A.A. this April.This book should be a must!!

a clear guideline
Wow, very impressive! I read it from cover to cover, in one sitting. Just could not put it down. It is written in a clear and concise manner. Almost every word seems well selected and carefully considered to support the theme of the whole book. Very convincing with powerful logic.
This book changed the way I look at my parents
I've been recovery for years but I did not realize how my relationship with my mother distorted my perception of my father and our family. This book has changed the way I relate to them both. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Adult Children of Alcoholics    3. Adult child sexual abuse victi    4. Adult child sexual abuse victims    5. Incest victims    6. Parenting - General    7. Psychology    8. Recovery    9. Self-Help    10. Child care & upbringing    11. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers    12. Sexual behaviour   

Editorial Review

In the tradition of Read more

Reviews (49)

Fellow Alabamian
Being from the same area as Ms. Moss, I enjoyed this book on several personal levels.Not only did I recognize all the places, but the people were so familiar.And, while I never suffered like she did growing up, more of what she describes is a part of me than I'd like to admit.What is beautiful about this story, though, is that it will touch anyone, from anywhere.It is a worthy book and I applaud my neighbor!

Perfect
This is a perfect read.Nothing is mising or over-spoken, just absolutely perfect.Moss is a true inspiration for any woman.

Siblings
The one thing I loved about this memoir was the relationship (never truly explored and maybe somewhat understated) between the siblings. At the very beginning of the book, we hear about Janet -- the youngest who thinks that her father always wore glasses. And we also hear about Stewart (one of the older kids)about who the author stated: "As a matter of fact, we had all expected Dad to outlive Stewart. Stewart's been trying to drink himself to death ....."
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Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Biography & Autobiography    3. Biography / Autobiography    4. Biography/Autobiography    5. Childhood Memoir    6. Specific Groups - General    7. Women    8. Biography & Autobiography / General    9. Biography: general   

Editorial Review

"I loved my mom very much. I also hated her." The confusion and pain experienced by daughters of alcoholic mothers remains a somewhat taboo subject, but is thoroughly explored in this fascinating and inspiring book by Eleanor Agnew and Sharon Robideaux. The two authors come from entirely different backgrounds: one is the daughter of an educated East Coast professional family; the other, from a family of poverty-stricken, uneducated Southerners. What they have in common is their childhood with alcoholic mothers, their consequent suffering of mental and physical abuse, and their struggle with the need to protect, keep secrets, and survive.Agnew and Robideaux gathered the stories in Read more

Reviews (13)

The best book I have found
As an adult daughter of an alcoholic mother, I have read several ACoA books but never really found anything that spoke to me like My Mama's Waltz did. I was amazed at how many issues stem from growing up with an alcoholic mother. It was so comforting to read others' experiences and know that I'm not crazy and other women are going thru the same things. This book is a gem and I have recommended it to my three sisters and a girlfriend. So far, everyone has loved it as much as I did. If you are an adult daughter of an alcoholic mother you have to read this book!!!

Healing words
I have not even finished this book yet, but already I feel like I'm healing. My mother was an alcoholic (now dry), her mother was an alcoholic, and I used to drink heavily myself. It's shedding light on some of my tendencies (trying to bend over backwards to please everyone, feeling abandoned by my mom at times, and so on). It also explains to me some of her behaviors and why she has anger lingering in her life and how it affects her still. Very insightful.

Excellent
My mother was not an alcoholic, but her mother was. I helped me to understand my mother so much better and how being raised by an alcoholic effected her life. As a person in recovery 7 yrs and now a mom, this book solidified my sobriety to see what a burden an alcoholic mother can be to a child. Thank You. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children Of Alcoholics    2. Clinical Psychology    3. General    4. Mothers and daughters    5. Psychology    6. Recovery    7. Self-Help    8. Sociology Of Women    9. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    10. Agnew, Eleanor    11. Coping with drug & alcohol abuse    12. Fiction / General    13. Robideaux, Sharon   

Reviews (10)

One of the Best on This Subject
I've given out many copies of this book over the years.It's been the source of profound insight for people coming out of dysfunctional family systems.The first part of the book on "Discovery" seems especially helpful, some of the tecniques in the last "Recovery" part of the book will help some but not all.A "one size fits all" approach will have it's limitations, but this book has been the most useful in shedding light on this pervasive problrem so many have to deal with.

A therapist's viewpoint
I refer to this book constantly.First read it in 1987.It provides and excellent tool for educating clients from alcoholic/dysfunctional families.The chapter on chronic shock is particularly enlightening.ACOAs reading it usually have an "aha" experience that leads to understanding and goes a long way toward problem resolution and new coping techniques.

Key to a mystery
This book solved a painful problem for me. It helped me first to see beyond my abstinent parents to my grandparents' alcohol problems. Next it suggested that my father could leave the alcohol, but bring an intense behavior pattern from that context.Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Recovery    3. Self-Help    4. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    5. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Drug Dependence    6. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (2)

The Self-Sabotage Syndrome
From the moment I started to read this book, I was 'smacked in the face' by the relevence of this book in my life at this "exact juncture" !. PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS TO WORK-RELATED PROBLEMS
If you have been losing jobs despite working "very hard", and you are an ACoA, this is the book that will finally answer the big questionof "why! "ACoA's, as explained succinctly yet in detail byWoititz, have ingrained patterns of behavior that result in problems on thejob.We can identify these patterns, come to understand where they camefrom, and finally, do something to change them! This book gave me far moreinsight than years of counseling - Woititz truly knows the ACoA! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult children of alcoholics    2. Alcoholism    3. Alcoholism and employment    4. Employment    5. Industrial Social Work    6. Psychology    7. Recovery    8. Self-Help    9. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    10. Anthropology    11. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    12. Popular psychology    13. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (3)

Couldn't Put It Down: Full of Insight
Never really thought about the difference between shame and guilt until I read this book. Guilt being when we blame our behavior in a given circumstance and shame being when we judge our very being. It has made me think twice about how I parent my own children and discipline their behavior. Eye-opening !

I found this book very helpful
I remember having this book recommended to me years ago at the now closed "Journey's Bookstore" in Beaverton, Oregon. The woman who recommended it had actually heard the tape edition of this book first and was placing an order for the book version. She told me that it made her "cry for the child within her." I thought that any book that had such a powerful affect as this, must be a book I should read. An absolutely illuminating book for shamed adults.
An amazing book that touches at the very core of the feeling of shame.If you feel there is something fundamentally wrong with you, or feel you're hiding awful secrets inside you - read this book!Shame lies at the very heart of so many problems; this book is a great start towards healing that shame. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Adult children of dysfunctiona    3. Adult children of dysfunctional families    4. Domestic relations    5. Guilt    6. Mental Health And Hygiene    7. Mental Illness    8. Mental health    9. Self-Help    10. Shame    11. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    12. Popular psychology    13. Self-Help / Adult Children of Substance Abusers   

Reviews (1)

The best research resource on the subject.
I am planning a doctoral research on the family experiences of long-term incarceration and this book has given me a thorough and timely review of the key studies and issues (in American context), and also pointed out knowledge gaps for further research.I look forward to reading other publications with a more international or cross-cultural perspective.A "must-read" for those seriously concerned with prisoners and their families. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult Children of Alcoholics    2. Children of prisoners    3. Effect of imprisonment on    4. Family relationships    5. Prisoners    6. Prisoners' families    7. Self-Help    8. Sociology    9. United States   

Reviews (16)

Great Reviews of It Stops with Me
"This book is incredible." Louise Erdrich