Reviews (61)

Learn to let go.
I have been recommending this book to my astrology clients and people who take my Creative Living class for years.It helps its readersto focus on how to change difficult patterns relational patterns--which we all know is not easy.Readers feel the kindness and compassion of the author as well as her expertise throughout the book.
A must for everyone!!!
This audio book was a great source of information, not only for helping me figure out my past anger issues, but how to deal with future issues.The examples in the book were real life and I could place myself in those situations.I have listened to it more than once, and I still keeping finding ways to avoid anger and work on the real issues with my kids, parents, co-workers and spouse.Again, a must for everyone...it may sound strange,but would make a great wedding present!

Best book on relationship I have read
I love this book. Over the years I have also recommended this book to other people and each one got at least one important insight for their situation. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Anger    2. Anger Management    3. Interpersonal Relations    4. Personal Growth - Happiness    5. Psychology    6. Psychology Of Women    7. Self-Help    8. Women    9. Self-Help / Anger Management   

Reviews (22)

Great Read.... Read slowly
My pre-marital counselor suggested I read this. I had difficulty establishing intimate relationships and had been used to keeping my relationships shallow. This may work with co-workers and friends, but when marrying someone, it is very essential to develop a real emotional connection with your mate. This is something I couldn't fake. After reading this book, I began to change the way I looked at all relationships and have been made comfortable letting my guard down and allowing people I love to get to know me at a deeper level. This is a great read. Read slowly, so that you can absorb!
Recommended by boyfriend's shrink
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this aloud together (in bed). Lots of apply-able concepts, excellent illustrations from real people. Provides insight & understanding - the keys to getting along! Contrary to the title, its not all about sex - its 100% more about Connecting Well in relationships that are of import to you. I learned that "distancing" from my family is not due to lack of care but due to an overintensity of emotion & reactivity to it & high anxiety because our relationships are so explosive.

A Classic for Understanding Relationship Dynamics
I reread this book from time to time and believe it is simply one of the best guides to understanding how relationships work. If every couple who gets married were given this book for a wedding present, the divorce rate would be much lower! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. General    2. Interpersonal Relations    3. Intimacy (Psychology)    4. Love & Romance    5. Love / Sex / Marriage    6. Psychology    7. Sociology    8. Women    9. Marriage, family & other relationships    10. Popular psychology    11. Psychology & Psychiatry / General    12. Women's studies   

Editorial Review

How does motherhood change you?Who or what do you become when you become a mother?"We can't begin to know what our children will evoke in us until we have them," says psychologist and psychotherapist Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of the bestselling Read more

Reviews (21)

Best Parenting Book I've Read
Harriet Lerner mixes brilliant advice with comic relief. Anybody who has been a mother, or will be a mother, should read this wonderful book.

the extended phone call
I read this The Mother Dance in order to "review" a book for a family relationships class. unfortunately, i felt so unmotivated by the authors writing style and lack of factual infromation and studies that i had to skim through it just to be able to finish my paper. Lerner breaks down the book into stereotypical highlights that many mothers come across in parenthood, but does not allow for single mothers or stay at home moms. also this is writen strictly from her vantage point. the majority stories are from the view of a feminist psychologist, who got pregnant later in life and had not really planned to have kids at all. Her testimonials are support for her narrarations and all come from a Heterosexual couples standpoint (which is smart, cause that is most likely who will buy this book). and when she does talk about minorities or underclass mothers, it is to preach about how there are too many social injustices in the world. the flow of the book seems like one never ending phone call, with one woman complaining about her kids, and the other one saying that she's been there too.If i was able to, i would return this book and try to get my money back. if you plan on buysing this, please at least brows through the first chapter at your local library or bookstore before you invest money into it!

Wonderful enlightening book!
The Mother Dancespoke so clearlyto my own experience of being a mother, including the highs and the lows. I especially loved Dr. Lerner's personal stories. She's one of the few national experts on families who doesn't write from "on high." Best were the parts about how fear and guilt operate once you become a mom. She also writes more clearly and candidly than anybody about exactly what happens to your marriage once a baby comes a long.Lerner writes from the heart, shares her own quirks and struggles and wisdom. She had me laughing and crying. I loved this book, and I gave it to my sister, who loved it as well. What mother wouldn't? ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Child Care/Parenting    2. Family & Relationships    3. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    4. Family relationships    5. Motherhood    6. Mothers    7. Parenting - Motherhood    8. Psychology    9. Psychotherapy - Couples & Family    10. Psychology & Psychiatry / Family Therapy    11. Reading Group Guide   

Reviews (21)

look at your shadows
Rebeccasreads highly recommends THE DANCE OF FEAR as book about the tangled tango of life with people -- sometimes you lead & sometimes you follow, & if you know what makes you tick, who's doing what isn't nearly as important as who's in charge of you, & that talking it out is the one thing that really helps.
Helps understand anxiety
I was pleasantly surprised at how helpful this book is.I especially appreciated the author's use of family systems theory to show how a person can recognize & interupt ineffective patterns of anxious communication within social groups, both at home & at work.

No psycho-babble spoken here
The Dance of Fear is the book formerly known as Fear and Other Uninvited Guests. The name change most likely came as the result of author Harriet Lerner's other Dance book titles - Dance of Anger, Dance of Intimacy, Dance of Deception and so on.
Read more

Subjects:  1. Anxiety    2. Applied Psychology    3. Fear    4. Mood Disorders    5. Personal Guidance    6. Psychology    7. Self-Help    8. Self-actualization (Psychology    9. Shame    10. Spiritual    11. Self-Help / General   

Reviews (8)

Clarity and Courage
Harriet Lerner has long been writing books that are both insightful and accessible. In 'The Dance of Deception' she has achieved something miraculous: she has written a book that can help you reconnect with estranged family members and friends, improve your rapport with your children, no matter their age, and, perhaps most importantly, help alleviate the pain that deception has caused you in your own life. I have suffered greatly because of family secrets and have also struggled recently to communicate with my loved ones about painful topics. This book has served as an indispensable guide through these difficult processes and has helped me emerge a stronger, happier person. I am greatly indebted to Harriet Lerner. And I firmly believe the world is a better place for having her in it!!

Disappointed
After reading The Dance of Anger, I was charged with energy to change patterns in relationships that I had fallen into.I thought this book would have a similar effect, because I know that I hide things that seem too painful to discuss.However, I couldn't get into it because it seemed more of a political agenda than a guide to improving relationships.What on earth does the author's stance on abortions (very pro-choice) have to do with deception in personal relationships?I haven't gotten much constructive self-knowledge out of this book.

A little circular, yes. But somewhat helpful.
Wow. I consider myself to be a truthful, honest person. I hate liars and hypocrites more than I hate anything else in the world. So I had to take a really deep breath and really THINK when I finally woke up to the idea that truth and honesty are not always what they should be. I took a good, long, ugly look at myself and realized that I use truth as a weapon, rather than as a tool. I am not always honest with people because I want to create a better relationship. I am sometimes honest just to be hurtful, to shock people, or to get attention away from whoever is monopolizing the conversation at the moment. Hm. Ugly!Read more

Subjects:  1. Deception    2. General    3. Human Sexuality    4. Interpersonal Relations    5. Psychology    6. Self-Help    7. Truthfulness and falsehood    8. Women    9. Behavioural theory (Behaviourism)    10. Gender studies    11. Popular psychology    12. Psychology & Psychiatry / General    13. Social, group or collective psychology    14. Reading Group Guide   

Reviews (4)

Dear Abby with credentials
I found this book to be quite powerful in a very subtle way. Having grown up reading Dear Abby and Ann Landers as my main source of adult advice, I was quite pleased with the Advice Column Format. Actually, this book is a compilation of published and unpublished letters written to Dr. Lerner for the advice column she writes for New Woman magazine. I was impressed with the range of topics and problems that were addressed in this book. Harriet Lerner's advice is open minded yet firm; additionally she is not averse to sharing her own experiences. Since I tend to be so limited in time, I found this book to be a great "meal companion". While spooning down some cereal or grabbing a quick sandwich, this book provided the ideal "dessert". This is the first book I have read by Harriet Lerner and I am now anxious to start the Dance books.

Very helpful
This is a well-written book with terrific advice.Although I believe no one can solve serious issues by reading a book alone, this is a good start to understanding problems many people encounter. Therapist on call
I became a big fan of Dr. Lerner after reading the The Dance of Anger. This book is different from her other books because it's in a question and answer format.I thought I wouldn't like this format, but I was wrong.Her advice is so amazingly strong and helpful.She answers so many questions and problems that I've talked about with my therapist, or that I haven't had the nerve to share with friends.I loved the section "Women at Work," because work has been a painful place for me, and I can't think of another book that offers so much help about dealing with an impossible boss or gossipy co-worker.You can't get better advice than this and it's a fun read. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Beauty & Grooming - General    2. Family relationships    3. General    4. Man-woman relationships    5. Miscellanea    6. Psychology    7. Self-Help    8. Women    9. Self-Help / General   

Features

• Abridged
• Audiobook

Reviews (14)

Lowering your expectations is good for the relationship
There is an underlying theme in this book that I think is important for every couple to consider: perhaps our expectations of our partners are too high.I've been a therapist for 25 years, and the most common problem I've encountered involves unexpressed-and often unconscious-expectations that one person has about the other. Women, I believe (and I think Dr. Lerner supports this as well), have higher expections than men. Sometimes they are so high, and so many, that there is no way not to be disappointed. What would happen if we lowered our expectations?We might, as Lerner suggests, become better listeners, and take more responsibility for fulfilling our own needs, rather than demanding that our happiness be met solely at home. Of all of Lerner's books, this is one I recommend most often to my clients.We don't need a soul-mate to be happily married, and if we lower the bar just a little, a "good enough" spouse can adequately provide the decades of richness we need.

Too much story telling
This book was recommended for me to read by my husband's personal therapist.He's in anger counseling, after coming back from Iraq, and I'm the one reading about six books right now.
Delivers---Ways of Staying Connected
*****
Read more

Subjects:  1. Abridged Audio - Self-Help    2. Audio Adult: Books On Tape    3. Audiobooks    4. Conflict Resolution    5. Creative Ability    6. General    7. Interpersonal Relations    8. Interpersonal communication    9. Intimacy (Psychology)    10. Psychology    11. Family & Relationships / Emotions   

Editorial Review

Franny B. Kranny marches to the beat of a different hairdresser. Whenher family encourages her to cut her long, frizzy, troublemaking red hair, sherefuses outright. She loves her hair. And when, before the big family reunion, ahairdresser tries to tame her mop, piling it in a heap on top of her head,Franny seethes and schemes. But then something funny happens on the way home. Abird lands in Franny's hair, and she decides the fancy new hairdo isn't so badafter all. The snuggled-down bird presents some technical difficulties: gettinginto bed and taking a bath, for example. But when Franny turns out to be the hitof the family party, and her formerly disapproving parents and sister changetheir tune, this individualist does an about-face yet again! Read more

Reviews (10)

Inspires a 3-year old to comb her hair
The fun that I had in reading this to my three-year old daughter was inspiring her to tolerate getting her hair combed. She just hates getting her hair done, and now on days when her long hair is especially entangled - we check to see if she has "Frannie B. Kranny" hair. We got outside and see if a bird will land in her hair. We laugh, and then she is O-K with getting her hair combed, and then we feed the birds in our backyard.

wonderful girl, great hair
this is a favorite with my class of 3-5 year olds.They like the idea of a bird making a nest in Franny's hair and I like the relatioinships between family members, the independent attitude of Franny and the choices she makes.Please consideradding this to your library and reading it often. It is a gem.

It's ME!
I LOVE this book! It was given to me as a book and this book is just like me! I have curly, red, thick hair! It's great! I love it! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Birds    2. Children's 4-8 - Picturebooks    3. Children: Kindergarten    4. Family - General    5. Family reunions    6. Fiction    7. Hair    8. Humorous Stories    9. Juvenile Fiction    10. Social Issues - Self-Esteem & Self-Reliance    11. Social Situations - Self-Esteem & Self-Reliance    12. Juvenile Fiction / Humorous Stories   

Reviews (2)

Inspiring
I loved this tape and wonder whether the other reviewer listened to the same recording?!It is anything but slow or boring or simple.I have listened to this tape many times over the years and still learn something new at every sitting.Harriet Lerner is knowledgeable about a difficult topic - the nature of anger and how to handle it when it arises in us or in others.Not only does she provide an excellent insight into the psychology of anger but she does it in a down to earth way, without preaching or talking down to her listeners.It's more like chatting with a good friend.I found this tape inspirational (as I also found her other tapes, On Intimacy and On Mothers and Daughters, as well as two of her books, The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Intimacy - her other books are not as good as these two, but they are still worth a read, if you can borrow them.However, I'd certainly recommend buying your own copies of her two best books andher tapes, for future reference).

Verrrry Slooowwww...
This audio tape left me feeling like I just read a lengthy book jacket.Actually it was like listening to a seminar that was good, but 30 minutes too long. There was just enough meat in it to kindle my interest and show that the author/speaker does have some interesting insights but it dragged on and on so that by the end I felt I'd wasted 90 minutes that would have been better spent listening to an audiotape of a real book, not just a "presentation" on a topic.Read more

Subjects:  1. Abridged Audio - Self-Help    2. Anger    3. Audio - Self-Help    4. Audio Adult: Books On Tape    5. Emotions    6. General    7. Health & Fitness    8. Health/Fitness    9. Interpersonal relations    10. Psychology    11. Reference    12. Women   

Subjects:  1. Marriage, family & other relationships    2. Self-Help & Practical Interests    3. Women's studies   

Subjects:  1. Family & Relationships    2. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    3. Parent And Child    4. Parenting - General    5. Parenting - Motherhood    6. Spanish: Adult Nonfiction   

Subjects:  1. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    2. General    3. Interpersonal Relations    4. Personal Growth - Happiness    5. Psychology    6. Psychology / Lay Counseling    7. Spanish: Adult Nonfiction   

Reviews (2)

Only thing going for it was the pictures.
I saw this title recently and thought oh this should be fun so read it to my four year old daughter.She lost interest way before the end - as did I!What had the potential to be quite a funny story turned into such a tedious melodrama.Lerner was so heavy handed and clumsy with her moralising on the older sister's lying.Again, it had the potential to really show children how a joke can be taken too far and cause hurt and anxiety - but the story lost it's way and I agree with Kirkus - the sister was very flippant and unrepentant.There was no understanding depicted and the story finished in a confused and messy way.Boring!

Forget Kirkus Review- My grandson loved this book
I recently bought this book for my 5 year old grandson and he loved it. I think most children will love this book precisely because in its own whimsical way it is true to life. It tells a story about exactly the kind of thing that older children actually do - or at least wish to do - to their younger sisters and brothers. When Katie swallows an apple seed, Rosie, the older sister, makes up a 'worst case scenario' for younger sister Katie. Kids understand this all too well and appreciate the ridiculous potential.The people at Kirkus Review should lighten up, and remember what its like to actually be a kid. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Children's 4-8 - Fiction - General    2. Children: Kindergarten    3. Family - Siblings    4. Fiction    5. Honesty    6. Humorous Stories    7. Juvenile Fiction    8. Sisters    9. Social Situations - Values    10. Juvenile Fiction / Family / Siblings